Patriarchy fuels and deepens the mother wound. It is the unresolved traumas, and issues passed down from mother to daughter. The mother wound is kept alive by sheltering it in the shadows and ignorance – by not addressing it because of shame and guilt. It can affect both son and daughter but is more damaging for the daughter. Why? Daughters are closest to their mother and look up to their mother when they see and observe their mother’s trauma and grief – they try to divide it and limit themselves to those emotions and potential. It has been happening through generations and is now a deeply rooted part of the patriarchal system.
When these mother wounds are left unresolved, we usually pass them down to the next generation in the form of beliefs, oppressions, and ideologies we inherited from our mothers and grandmothers.
A lot of women subconsciously limit their potential and capabilities because of the fear of being unfaithful to their mother’s ideology, belief, and the patriarchal system.
How to know if the mother wound is manifesting in your life?
- You start limiting yourself: You don’t want to steal the spotlight or put forth your ideas and suggestions. You just agree with whatever you are asked to do.
- Having a high tolerance for emotional pain: You do not speak up about what is bothering you and making you uncomfortable, so the other person doesn’t get hurt.
- Being the mom friend: You start taking care and being overly protective of your friends to the extent that you take all their emotional burden onto yourself.
- Being overly dependent: You can either be the mom’s friend or be overly dependent on your friends or partner for important and significant decisions about your life. Not having the courage to make your own decisions for yourself.
- Seeking approval from other people constantly: You try to please people around you by keeping their comfort before your own.
- Feeling jealous of other women: You get competitive and jealous of other women really quick and start trying to prove that you are better than them.
- Self-sabotage: Self-sabotage your own ideas and plans when you are near to achieving your dreams and goals because you do not know if it is okay to achieve it and if it will create distance between you and your mother.
- Depression, anxiety, eating disorder, or addiction: Sometimes, when you cannot escape the cycle, you get tied up in the cycle of addiction or eating disorder which usually leads to depression and anxiety.
- You are a perfectionist: You get scared by the result of imperfection and believe till everything is perfect you are in control.
- You feel ashamed: You constantly feel that something is wrong with you and usually get nervous around a new set of people. You do not feel good or significant enough.
- You belittle yourself: You try to undermine yourself and your potential to look humble and modest and not overshadow other people.
- You feel guilty: You constantly feel guilty for wanting more than you have, you also feel guilty when someone does something nice for you.
It is necessary to recognize all these wounds and heal them because it limits your potential and can also affect your daughter’s growth. When you cannot love and live fearlessly, you cannot empower your daughter to do the same.
Here are some ways to heal the Mother wound:
- Stop thinking that your own unique way of thinking will be a betrayal to your mother and her culture.
- Embrace yourself fully and love yourself for who you are.
- Unlearn the things you were taught as a child.
- Do not limit yourself and speak up and take action.
- Recognise that you are a powerful and unique individual.
- Address the mother wound and try to break the pattern.
- Encourage and empower your mother towards the healing process.
Recognizing the problem and doing something about it is the first step towards healing, and we owe this to ourselves, our mothers, grandmothers, and the next generation.